#TuesdayThoughts: How our Internal Dialogues Define Us

By: Brianna Valleskey

[TRANSCRIPT} Today, I’ve been thinking about thinking. A little meta, I know. But bear with me on this. I’ve been thinking about how our internal dialogues define us. Being conscious of the inner monologue in my head has changed a lot of what actually goes on in there.

I used to be really mean to myself. I was cruel in the way I talked to myself, the way I thought about myself. I was hyper-critical about everything I said and did. I was always comparing myself to other people. And God forbid I make a mistake, because that was literally the end of the world.

And this made me miserable, because our thoughts create the reality we live in. Our thoughts become our intentions, which become our actions, which becomes our reality. So I was self-perpetuating my misery, and it was awful. It wasn’t until someone told me, “Wow! You’re really hard on yourself” that I was like, “Oh my God. You’re right.”

Since then, it’s been a process of unlearning all of those terrible self-talk, inner dialogue habits, and re-learning how to be nice to myself. And in case anyone else is going through, or has gone through something like this or is just thinking about how they want to make changes in their internal dialogues, I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve learned.

How to Create a More Positive Internal Dialogue

1.  Meditate on the good stuff. What are you grateful for? What makes you happy in life? What gets you excited and energized and passionate and obsessed? Focus on that. Think about how you can do more of it. Talk about it. The universe reflects what you put out into it. So if you focus on those things — be grateful for them — there will be more of them in your life. Or at least you start to recognize them more because you’ve taken an attitude of being more grateful.

2. Don’t let the little hater get you down. The little hater is the voice in your head telling you that you aren’t good enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, rich enough, smart enough, etc. etc. Screw that guy. Listening to him (or her) will only keep you from doing the most important things in your life. Every time I write a blog or make a video, the little hater tries to tell me that I shouldn’t because people will think I’m dumb or my ideas or dumb. But who cares? Sure, some people will probably think this is dumb but that’s ok because for me to be a life-changing force in some people’s lives, I’m probably going to be an idiot and a loser in other’s. I’m not going to let that stop me from bringing my art into the world.

3. Be f*cking nice to yourself. I’m serious. When you start to get mean in your head, think about if you would say those things to your family or your friends or your significant other. And if you wouldn’t, then don’t say that shit to yourself. Because loving yourself means treating yourself like someone you really love. So cut the crap on the rumination and instead focus on how fortunate and grateful and loved and fabulous you are because we’re all on our fascinatingly unique path and comparing your progress to someone else’s is like comparing apples to broomsticks. I don’t know what that means. Anyway, recognize your innate value as a human being and talk to yourself in a way that you would want someone else to talk to you. That’s what’s going to create the reality you live and exist in every day.

If you have any thoughts on creating your inner dialogue, I’d love to hear them. You can also check out a few books that have helped me learn more about loving myself below.